Stop this train.

Thanks to everyone for your overwhelming kind comments and thoughts about my last blog. I don't think I've ever had that much feedback on a blog I've posted before--I loved it. Everyone's encouragement and positivity really kept me going through the past few days which have been really challenging. Needless to say, life's been different. But mostly because of a fairly recent plot twist--

All of the guys are dating someone except me.

That probably sounds dumb, and please don't mistake the genuine happiness I have for each of them, but to anyone who has had a best friend who has recently started dating someone, you know the struggle is real.

A lot of people have been commenting on how hard I've taken the elections the past week, but here's what you don't see. I had finally found my group of friends where I was a part of something--yeah, I know a lot of people, but to belong is something different.

Logan, Taylor, Scott, Paulo and I--I mean our friendships were at the heart of that campaign and I owe the campaign those friendships. I'm not going to write another blog about the four of those guys--don't worry--things are just different now. We don't have an excuse to spend time with each other anymore without the campaign, and me being the only single of the five literally leaves me odd man out.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me back at square one. Rug pulled out form underneath my feet. Weekends without friends to spend them with (ask me what I did last Friday)(I take that back I hungout with Paulo on Friday). And lots of plan-less loneliness, single days in between.

I have trouble letting go of good things and memories. Growing up, I was the kid in the family who was always in tears every time we would have to go home after visiting my grandparents and cousins in California in Hawaii. During my mission, I cried for days every time I got transferred and especially when I left the Philippines. I miss a lot of things and spend most of the time I have thinking about memories I wish I could relive and have back.

I feel like this transition has been hard for me because things were so good. The memories I have made with these guys and new friends I've made in the past semester I priceless. The Sunday dinners, endless meetings, parties, not to mention even just good old office hours at BYUSA--none of it is the same or will ever be the same anymore. I miss it already. Adjusting is never comfortable.

So what?
Ever since we went to compete at the first round of the ICCAs at UC Berkeley and saw the UCLA Scattertones perform Stop This Train by John Mayer, I've been listening to the song nonstop on my phone.

The song talks about life and compares it to a train ride. It talks about how life moves by so fast--so fast that most times we don't get to enjoy the moments we want to last and sometimes just want to stop the train of life completely and just go back to the good times and memories that we've experienced.

The song, however, ends with reassurance. The person who the song is about (John Mayer) says that he talks to his dad who tells him to not think for a minute that he isn't where he needs to be right now and that he has so many more greater experiences ahead of him. He figures out that he needs to realize this because in all reality, there is no stopping this train.

I know people tell me that all the time (the whole "life gets better" thing), but when I've really stopped to think about that and how my life has unfolded, it's really true.

Looking back, although my trials have become increasingly more challenging, the things I've accomplished,  blessings I've received,  and people that I've met have only gotten better and better as I've gotten older. I somehow find myself doing harder things, receiving more promising things, and meeting better friends while all along the way thinking that life wouldn't, and more importantly, couldn't get any better. I find that when I focus so much on the past and cling to memories or sometimes even regrets, I literally walk around life blind.



Now what?
Two weeks ago in our last leadership class for BYUSA we talked about time management and set some goals. My goal was something that we talked about in that class and was about this very thing--my goal was to live where I am and be there 100%.

Life is already so full of distractions that take us away from the present, there's no need to continue to make up our own. I've learned that I need to be where I am. Literally look forward. Quit waiting for things to happen and do them. Engage and make the best of every moment. And realize that the "good old days" are happening now--if all I do is think about the past, I'll just let them go by and miss them.

And while this doesn't make lonely weekends or weekdays any easier, it's always good to know and hope for good things to come. This year has been great and I've made some really great friends that I don't intend on losing or replacing, and something I've realized, is that I don't have to. Life will keep going, whether we do or not. So hang on and cling tight and never cry because things are over--instead learn to just smile because they've happened.