Thanks to everyone for your overwhelming kind comments and thoughts about my last blog. I don't think I've ever had that much feedback on a blog I've posted before--I loved it. Everyone's encouragement and positivity really kept me going through the past few days which have been really challenging. Needless to say, life's been different. But mostly because of a fairly recent plot twist--

All of the guys are dating someone except me.

That probably sounds dumb, and please don't mistake the genuine happiness I have for each of them, but to anyone who has had a best friend who has recently started dating someone, you know the struggle is real.

A lot of people have been commenting on how hard I've taken the elections the past week, but here's what you don't see. I had finally found my group of friends where I was a part of something--yeah, I know a lot of people, but to belong is something different.

Logan, Taylor, Scott, Paulo and I--I mean our friendships were at the heart of that campaign and I owe the campaign those friendships. I'm not going to write another blog about the four of those guys--don't worry--things are just different now. We don't have an excuse to spend time with each other anymore without the campaign, and me being the only single of the five literally leaves me odd man out.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me back at square one. Rug pulled out form underneath my feet. Weekends without friends to spend them with (ask me what I did last Friday)(I take that back I hungout with Paulo on Friday). And lots of plan-less loneliness, single days in between.

I have trouble letting go of good things and memories. Growing up, I was the kid in the family who was always in tears every time we would have to go home after visiting my grandparents and cousins in California in Hawaii. During my mission, I cried for days every time I got transferred and especially when I left the Philippines. I miss a lot of things and spend most of the time I have thinking about memories I wish I could relive and have back.

I feel like this transition has been hard for me because things were so good. The memories I have made with these guys and new friends I've made in the past semester I priceless. The Sunday dinners, endless meetings, parties, not to mention even just good old office hours at BYUSA--none of it is the same or will ever be the same anymore. I miss it already. Adjusting is never comfortable.

So what?
Ever since we went to compete at the first round of the ICCAs at UC Berkeley and saw the UCLA Scattertones perform Stop This Train by John Mayer, I've been listening to the song nonstop on my phone.

The song talks about life and compares it to a train ride. It talks about how life moves by so fast--so fast that most times we don't get to enjoy the moments we want to last and sometimes just want to stop the train of life completely and just go back to the good times and memories that we've experienced.

The song, however, ends with reassurance. The person who the song is about (John Mayer) says that he talks to his dad who tells him to not think for a minute that he isn't where he needs to be right now and that he has so many more greater experiences ahead of him. He figures out that he needs to realize this because in all reality, there is no stopping this train.

I know people tell me that all the time (the whole "life gets better" thing), but when I've really stopped to think about that and how my life has unfolded, it's really true.

Looking back, although my trials have become increasingly more challenging, the things I've accomplished,  blessings I've received,  and people that I've met have only gotten better and better as I've gotten older. I somehow find myself doing harder things, receiving more promising things, and meeting better friends while all along the way thinking that life wouldn't, and more importantly, couldn't get any better. I find that when I focus so much on the past and cling to memories or sometimes even regrets, I literally walk around life blind.



Now what?
Two weeks ago in our last leadership class for BYUSA we talked about time management and set some goals. My goal was something that we talked about in that class and was about this very thing--my goal was to live where I am and be there 100%.

Life is already so full of distractions that take us away from the present, there's no need to continue to make up our own. I've learned that I need to be where I am. Literally look forward. Quit waiting for things to happen and do them. Engage and make the best of every moment. And realize that the "good old days" are happening now--if all I do is think about the past, I'll just let them go by and miss them.

And while this doesn't make lonely weekends or weekdays any easier, it's always good to know and hope for good things to come. This year has been great and I've made some really great friends that I don't intend on losing or replacing, and something I've realized, is that I don't have to. Life will keep going, whether we do or not. So hang on and cling tight and never cry because things are over--instead learn to just smile because they've happened.

We lost the campaign today. We lost by 44 votes.

I've been sitting on the same spot on my couch for nearly four hours now thinking (and texting people in between of course) and just trying to process everything. I'm still definitely in denial, that's without a question. The what ifs could stretch for miles and prolong the pain, but as Logan's older brother Brandon said, regret truly serves no purpose.

I can't remember the last time I hurt this much for someone who has tried so hard. The most familiar thing I can remember is watching my little brother come home crying after losing a student council election in elementary school. I remember my mom telling me that day and asking me to go comfort him. I remember finding him in his room crying and wanting to beat up all of those little elementary school kids since I was a big, bad middle-schooler at the time. Unfortunately, beating up people isn't an option anymore at this age, especially since I'm a foot shorter than everyone now and there are 30,000 kids at this school.

This campaign has literally been my life since Logan briefly mentioned it to me the day before I left for Thanksgiving break. It's been even more so a part of Taylor and Logan's lives well before. I'm lost without it, but in all honesty, I could care less about the work that I've put in. Thinking about how much they've been through to come so close is where the pain point is.




So what?
I've been thinking a lot about courage in the past week. Courage, as defined by google, is the ability to do something that frightens one or is strength in the face of pain or grief. The root of the word courage comes from cor, the Latin root for heart.

It takes enough courage to do what is right. It takes even more courage to stand up for what is right.

During campaign season, it all comes out. We aren't oblivious to what the school thinks of BYUSA. We aren't unaware of how so many think "they don't do anything for me" or "they can't do anything for me". We know. Yet regardless of how much we got mocked and ridiculed, we still care, and people like Taylor and Logan care even more to make a difference.

I've realized what amazing examples of courage Taylor and Logan have been to me over this whole campaign. Taylor and Logan will forever be my heroes because of the courage, and most importantly, heart, that it's taken them to be able to push through everything we've gone through and continue to keep their chins up and keep running because of how much they love serving students and how much they love BYU. Our campaign had nothing to do with the glory that Taylor and Logan would have received in those positions, but truly was about the students. It really was about you.

Now what?
A "think different" campaign that Apple did a handful of years ago centered their campaign around the idea that the people who think they are crazy enough to change the world are the people who end up changing the world.

Although I'll be sad for two of my best friends and we'll be sad collectively for a second, true effort applied correctly is never wasted. Sure, our campaign may end here, but everything that we've created together will live forever. Memories. Friendships. Lessons. Those are all ours to keep that no one can take away.

I shared this thought with Scott that I found yesterday morning, feel like it really applies to the experiences we've had lately:

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith 

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway. 

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway. 

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway. 

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway. 

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway. 

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway. 

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway. 

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway. 

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway. 

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

The reality of life is that, as Taylor and Logan did, you have to step out of your comfort zone and have the courage to make a difference. You can't live your life half-heartedly and paralyze yourself by being scared to fail. If you're doing your hardest to achieve what you've set your heart on, failures are impossible.  You'll progress along the way, and if things don't work out how you've expected, it's just nothing but a new opportunity and new lesson to be learned.

So be crazy. Believe that you can do hard things, like Logan's girlfriend Chandler told me--because you can do hard things. And most of all, have some heart. If you need some good examples, I know two good guys who wold be just the guys to talk to.

To my brothers, Taylor and Logan--proud to walk beside you and support you always in all that you do. Love you to no end.

Look at me, blogging two weeks in a row almost. What can I say? I somehow find exposing my life and insecurities to you therapeutic. How does that make sense. Excuse me now while I word-vomit at you.

This week was lonely. This week was really lonely. Other than a great date, the only thing I enjoyed was being able to talk to my mom for her birthday. Everything else was difficult, and complicated, and stressful, and every other emotion or feeling that you don't like to feel.

And then to make things even better, anyone who I would usually spend time with, left out of town for the long weekend, and most left early. I'll be going out of town frequently for the next couple of weeks, so it didn't really make sense for me so I stayed here. I've spent a lot of time (probably too much time) alone in my empty apartment feeling left out and forgotten about.

I thought to myself frequently this weekend about the irony of the situation--how not even a week ago I was raving about how I have the best friends on the planet (who still are there and still are the best friends on the planet, let's not get that wrong) but they seemed to be nowhere to be found.

For someone like me, being alone hurts. It hurts so much sometimes that it feels like your heart is being wrung of any happiness that exists in it. You call, you text, but no matter what, everyone else has somewhere else to be--without you. What do you do when the monster of loneliness attacks you and you're all alone?

Now before you think I've jumped off the emo-train, bear with me, because I'm going to tell you what I've learned.

So what?
In the past few days, I've found that although I've hated everything about this weekend, I have actually valued being able to just be alone because it's stripped me of all relationships that I use for protection and support and left me with only one place to turn to--God.

Loneliness has nothing to do with people. Loneliness is a state of mind. This weekend, I've realized that feeling the sting of loneliness has been the single, most effective trial I've had that's brought me straight to my knees and running back to Heavenly Father.

Yesterday, while I was making dinner for myself, by myself, I felt like I had reached my capacity to endure this lonely weekend and was ready to just breakdown in the kitchen in tears. My heart just needed someone--anyone. Before letting my emotions get the best of me, I said a quiet prayer to myself and then literally felt heaven embrace me.

My phone started going off the hook immediately of friends texting me and calling to see how I was doing, the ones not able to reach me leaving kind voicemails. Then people started stopping by for no other reason but to say hi spend time with me. One heart warming and healing experience after another. God reminding me that he was very well aware of me.

Now what?
One of my favorite, favorite songs to listen to is Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. I can vividly remember the first time I ever listened to it. I was having a hard time adjusting to a new point in my life. I remember being overcome by the lyrics of the song.

The song talks about the stories of three people--a lonely orphan, a single mother, and sick grandfather. The first few lyrics about the little boy get to me every time when it describes him as a little to used to being alone. I feel like that is something we all can sometimes relate to.

The song, however, isn't about these people or how difficult their situations are. It's about a realization and a common knowledge that they all have. They know and take happiness and hope from knowing that everything in this life is temporary. They know that all problems, situations, circumstances, pains, and trials will have an end, and they have the courage to move through life with this knowledge.

There is no way to completely avoid sorrow however it attacks you--whether it be loneliness, addictions, uncontrollable circumstances, or anything else--and there is no medicine, remedy, or technique that will ever be able to just make pain go away. Regardless, we all can have courage to have hope and move forward because we know that as long as we keep moving forward, we will find an end.

This life on earth is just as the song puts it--our temporary home and a place where we will never completely belong. It's a place for us to pass through life and learn, but isn't meant to be forever. Forever is where we are going. And the knowledge of that--being able to make it back to our Father in Heaven who I know misses each of us so much--is enough to dry a world of tears.

So much to catch up on, but quite frankly, you don't need an update on my life and that's not why you're reading this--you can stalk me on Facebook or Instagram if you'd really like, I'm pretty good at keeping up with that and posting well.

Life. Am I ever going to get it?

I ask myself that almost everyday. When am I going to find time to manage my time better? When am I going to find time to fix my grades? When am I going to find time (and money) to date? Can I just run away and have a break?

Last semester was the most tiring and challenging semester I've ever been through. With the creation of Beyond Measure, school, and working three jobs, my life was nothing short of complicated (not that your life is any easier).

I fell in every area of my life--socially, spiritually, emotionally, academically, physically--you name it. I had no time for my friends, J. Crew and the MTC were taking my time on Sundays for church, I was consistently upset or depressed, my grades were the worst they had ever been, and on top of everything, I barely had time to eat. All time low for Eric doesn't even describe my semester last year.

As if being in your twenties isn't hard enough. We are all lost. We are all behind in school. We are all trying to make it. But what happens when doors continue to shut on you, you dream but you can't figure out if those dreams are even worth reaching for, and it seems like no matter how much you try, it just seems like failure is your best friend? Let's not even mention the fact that no one invites you to things and you spend all of your weekends alone. Isn't there a point when life is just too much?

So what?
I'm not extremely versed when it comes to literature, but I do love reading church books. Last summer, my friend McKay let me borrow (I know, it's February and I still haven't returned it) a book called, Look Up my Soul by Elder Lund--a book about hope. There was a story in there about strengthening bridges that particularly hit me that I love sharing. Here's a short summary:

Two Christian missionaries in Africa were assigned to transport saw mill and well-drilling equipment a distance of about 250 miles. As the husband and wife began trucking the supplies, they realized a big problem. They had to cross many weakly constructed bridges over small swampy streams and large, crocodile-infested rivers. They shed as much weight as much as possible from the truck, but it wasn’t enough. Finally, a decision was made. 

“The husband said, ‘I cannot lighten the load any more, therefore I have to strengthen the bridges.’ He carried poles on the truck and strengthened the bridge, then took it apart after they crossed,” Elder Lund said. “I love that metaphor — in these times we are in, politically, economically, socially, with terrorism, all the other things, I don’t think the Lord can say, ‘I’ll just lighten the load for you.’ But he does say, ‘I can help you strengthen the bridges,’ and hope is the major way he does that.” The husbands wife closes, "In any heartbreak there is just so much hurt, so much pain, so much loneliness. Those are part of human experience and God does not always deaden them or take them away. But though He does not always lighten the load, He does reinforce the bridge."

I've thought about this story a lot and it never really made sense to me until a couple days ago. I've been convinced that spiritually, when I go through trials, the only tools I have to reinforce myself and strengthen myself are prayer and scripture study, but sometimes, that doesn't seem like enough and I get frustrated. Do you ever feel that way?

I realized something past these things though.

I had a counselor once tell me that there will never be any kind of depression medication that will be created that will ever be as powerful as a good, healthy relationship.

Our lives revolve around the relationships that we have and the things we create with those people. The single most important relationships that drive me personally as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are my relationships with God, my Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ. Those relationships drive everything that happens in my life. Next my relationships with all the people I love in no particular order, be they family or friends. And finally, my relationship with myself.

At the end of last semester, I randomly made friends with four people who have since changed my life. That sounds cliche and cheesy and gay and stupid, but it is the naked and transparent truth. People can and may possibly be, one of the only things that can change your life--and when I say people, I mean yourself included.

I did this thing that I've wanted to keep up on on Instagram right before Thanksgiving, but haven't done it since. I wrote about people that I was thankful for and why I was thankful for them. Since I haven't really kept up, I'd say here's a great avenue to pick up where I've left off. Allow me to introduce you to my new support group.

I met Logan first. I have a strange obsession with socks if you don't know, and one day in the BYUSA office, I had mentioned that J. Crew was having a huge blowout sale and Logan had mentioned that he wanted some socks. I ended up getting him some and drove up with him one day to help him apply for a position which I wasn't too much of a help getting since I ended up quitting. I met everyone else through Logan.

I love Logan because he will drop and sacrifice anything for his friends. He is the friend that will stay up until 1:00 a.m. with you just to talk or come early to and skip class later to help you with an activity you've planned and are running. He is the friend that will actually pick up the phone and call you just to see how you are doing.

One of the things that Logan's said that really has touched me, that I feel really describes him was actually during one of our few gym experiences together haha. We are by no means "bros" but while we were on the bench the other day, he killed me. Something he said stuck with me though. When we had stacked the weights on both sides far more than I thought I could handle, he looked straight at me and said, "You can do it. I'll be right here the whole time. I'm not going anywhere." There are few other words that describe Logan better than that quote. That is the very essence of Logan and his friendship with others. People as kind as Logan is are few and far between.

I met Scott last summer at an iPod dance party, but we never became close until I invited him to come on the huge Beyond Measure, Christmas group date. We started talking and texting back and forth, and eventually Scott became one of my best friends.

Scott's a different kind of guy that it takes awhile to get to know and understand. I love Scott because he is one of the most patient people I know, that is hard to offend and understands, more than anyone else I know, what it truly means to bear another's burdens. One of my most heart-warming memories I have with Scott was over Christmas break. I was having a really rough night and tried to get a hold of him really late. When I texted him to ask if he was still awake, he responded, "I'm always here." That is what Scott lives by. Whether it be random, unannounced trips to your place to make sure you're okay, or short, heart-warming messages, Scott spends his life helping those who have no one else.

I met Taylor randomly through him reaching out to me through BYUSA--this is a rare thing. I usually am the person to reach out and make friends, but when someone reaches out to me, that doesn't go unnoticed.

Taylor knows how to love and how to show love. He's that guy who walks around the office everyday and gives good hugs (because you know there are some people who aren't good at that). He tries his best to get to know everyone and sincerely cares and worries about everyone. He'll be the guy that sends you a text when you're having a bad day so see what's actually bothering you and if you're okay.

This could sound strange, but what I love about Taylor the most is that he lets me help him and reminds me that he's also not perfect. It's a mutually benefitting relationship. There's something special about about when your friends trust you enough to turn to you for help as well and then help you when you need it in return. There aren't many people that will trust you enough to let you into their lives, and it makes me feel important to someone when they trust me to see their imperfections and aren't stingy with letting their self be helped.

I met Paulo last, but didn't actually really meet Paulo or need to meet Paulo, if that makes sense. You know that person that all of your friends are friends with that you hear about all the time who has also hears about you? That was me and Paulo--no introductions needed. Treated me like a brother right off the bat.

Paulo is the person that everyone loves because he is the most genuine person you will ever meet. I say that about everyone, but I really mean this about Paulo. He is a soft-spoken kind of caring. When he asks how you are doing, he looks at you and actually wants to know how you are doing and is very, very sincere in everything he says. What I love the most about Paulo is that he is really generous with real compliments. He's thankful of everyone he meets and knows how to express that well. People love being validated and knowing that they are doing good things. Paulo is really good at letting people know.

What's different about these four guys than any other four guys I've ever known is that there is a give and take between all five of us. None of us are the same. In fact, we are all extremely different on so many levels. But that's what makes having each other great. We are brothers in every sense of the word. When one of us needs help or is hurting, we are all there to support. Whatever the situation may be, we are in it together.

Now what?
I've found out that in my life, the best way for me to strengthen myself is to strengthen my relationships. This gives way to everything else. When my relationships are the healthiest, I am the happiest, and when I'm the happiest, I succeed in all areas of my life.

Trials these days come in all shapes, forms, and sizes, and the funny part is, they don't seem to get any easier as life goes on. Regardless, nothing brings me more comfort and peace than to know that, as Jeffrey R. Holland says, "In this church--there will always be someone to stand beside you."

If you're having a hard time, your GPA sucks, and you're so busy with life that you feel like you can't breathe, take a moment to step back and remember what matters most in your life. You're not alone in your experiences. You're not alone period.

As Scott says, in 100 years, what you will remember and things that will matter are the times that you helped people and the times that you let people help you. The best way to help yourself is by helping others. That's a fact. Fill your life with and draw strength from trusted loved ones to sustain you in times of need. In them you'll find God in the most tangible form.

You may not become part of a wannabe boy band or fab five set of friends like I have, but that's irrelevant. There are people all around you that need your help and can help you. Share your burdens. Strengthen yourself. Remember--everyone you meet can be your best friend.