Alone in temporary homes.

Look at me, blogging two weeks in a row almost. What can I say? I somehow find exposing my life and insecurities to you therapeutic. How does that make sense. Excuse me now while I word-vomit at you.

This week was lonely. This week was really lonely. Other than a great date, the only thing I enjoyed was being able to talk to my mom for her birthday. Everything else was difficult, and complicated, and stressful, and every other emotion or feeling that you don't like to feel.

And then to make things even better, anyone who I would usually spend time with, left out of town for the long weekend, and most left early. I'll be going out of town frequently for the next couple of weeks, so it didn't really make sense for me so I stayed here. I've spent a lot of time (probably too much time) alone in my empty apartment feeling left out and forgotten about.

I thought to myself frequently this weekend about the irony of the situation--how not even a week ago I was raving about how I have the best friends on the planet (who still are there and still are the best friends on the planet, let's not get that wrong) but they seemed to be nowhere to be found.

For someone like me, being alone hurts. It hurts so much sometimes that it feels like your heart is being wrung of any happiness that exists in it. You call, you text, but no matter what, everyone else has somewhere else to be--without you. What do you do when the monster of loneliness attacks you and you're all alone?

Now before you think I've jumped off the emo-train, bear with me, because I'm going to tell you what I've learned.

So what?
In the past few days, I've found that although I've hated everything about this weekend, I have actually valued being able to just be alone because it's stripped me of all relationships that I use for protection and support and left me with only one place to turn to--God.

Loneliness has nothing to do with people. Loneliness is a state of mind. This weekend, I've realized that feeling the sting of loneliness has been the single, most effective trial I've had that's brought me straight to my knees and running back to Heavenly Father.

Yesterday, while I was making dinner for myself, by myself, I felt like I had reached my capacity to endure this lonely weekend and was ready to just breakdown in the kitchen in tears. My heart just needed someone--anyone. Before letting my emotions get the best of me, I said a quiet prayer to myself and then literally felt heaven embrace me.

My phone started going off the hook immediately of friends texting me and calling to see how I was doing, the ones not able to reach me leaving kind voicemails. Then people started stopping by for no other reason but to say hi spend time with me. One heart warming and healing experience after another. God reminding me that he was very well aware of me.

Now what?
One of my favorite, favorite songs to listen to is Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. I can vividly remember the first time I ever listened to it. I was having a hard time adjusting to a new point in my life. I remember being overcome by the lyrics of the song.

The song talks about the stories of three people--a lonely orphan, a single mother, and sick grandfather. The first few lyrics about the little boy get to me every time when it describes him as a little to used to being alone. I feel like that is something we all can sometimes relate to.

The song, however, isn't about these people or how difficult their situations are. It's about a realization and a common knowledge that they all have. They know and take happiness and hope from knowing that everything in this life is temporary. They know that all problems, situations, circumstances, pains, and trials will have an end, and they have the courage to move through life with this knowledge.

There is no way to completely avoid sorrow however it attacks you--whether it be loneliness, addictions, uncontrollable circumstances, or anything else--and there is no medicine, remedy, or technique that will ever be able to just make pain go away. Regardless, we all can have courage to have hope and move forward because we know that as long as we keep moving forward, we will find an end.

This life on earth is just as the song puts it--our temporary home and a place where we will never completely belong. It's a place for us to pass through life and learn, but isn't meant to be forever. Forever is where we are going. And the knowledge of that--being able to make it back to our Father in Heaven who I know misses each of us so much--is enough to dry a world of tears.