Everybody's bruising.

Sitting here in the library at 9:00 p.m. on a summer night. It's one of those nights.

It's been a few months since I've been on here. I've had a lot going through my head lately, and I felt like it was time to get back on this thing and share some of what I've learned.

Moving to King Henry has been a great decision for me. I came in knowing no one and now have so many new friends that it's overwhelming to think of. I love the new life I have here. It's strange to think that I knew none of these people before. I don't know how I lived without all these people in my life.

Somehow I've found myself with the "guy-that-everyone-knows" label again. The kid who throws the huge parties. Like in Helaman. Like in high school. Like in middle school. And for goodness sake, like in elementary school. My mom loves to tell the story of me when I was little and she used to push me around in a stroller while she would shop. She says that keeping me in the stroller was impossible whenever I would see another kid. I would always just jump out of the stroller and walk straight up to whatever kid and say, "Hi! My name is Eric. Will you be my friend?" To this day she still has pictures of me and the instant-best friends I made in all these random places. Twenty-two years later, nothing has really changed.

I love people. I love meeting people. I love making new friends. But contrary to popular belief the kid that apparently "everyone knows" and apparently "knows everybody" is one of the loneliest kids out there. My whole life I've tried so hard to fit in and make friends. Maybe from the outside it seems like I succeed. Since I have been able to, every Christmas I hand out 100+ cards too all my friends, I throw surprise birthday parties, buy gifts to show appreciation, and do all of these things to hopefully strengthen my friendships. But the sad news is, rarely, if ever, does that happen or do people return the favor.


I'm not sure that even the worst of physical pains can compete with how it feels to be uninvited, unappreciated, or unloved. Living at one of the most social places in Provo can be a blessing, and a lot of fun at times, but at the same time also really depressing. Seeing everyone outside with their group of friends they've known since high school playing, or knowing all of your friends are out or went somewhere and didn't invite you. It hurts. No matter how hard you try to make friends, it never seems to be enough. It's draining and emotionally tearing. Would you agree?

So what?
I've recently become hooked to a song by Jessie J called "Who You Are". Not really typical of a song that I would listen to, but I feel like it is so accurate in touching on so many things that people don't realize. This is how the chorus goes:

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars.Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,It's okay not to be okay.Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,Just be true to who you are.

I especially love the last two lines because I feel like they are of the most misunderstood. I was talking to a good friend the other day--a new friend, named McKay, and we talked about a lot of this--

Depression is an emotion that feeds itself by shutting out the doors to the outside world and putting up mirrors to you surround instead. It is selfish and it desires no friends. It taints eyes to see only what the surface holds--comparing success, comparing happiness, comparing lives of others all to--what you believe--are the weakest parts of your life.

What people don't realize is that behind those doors, everybody is bruising. The feelings of not being appreciated, invited, or loved are not exclusive to anyone. Even the people that look like they have all the friends in the world and have the perfect lives have the weekends where no one has invited them anywhere or the empty birthday that no one remembered outside of Facebook. Everyone has their own story and their own trials. Life really is easy for no one.

As my friend Tayah says, as people, we need reciprocation. We need to feel appreciated. We need to feel gratified. We need to feel loved. Yet frequently we look for this reciprocation in places that will not provide the reciprocation that we seek. Instead of being content with the results of the good we have done or the love we have felt, we seek reassurance, recognition, and invitation that most people either forget or simply don't know how to offer. In essence, we naturally want people to think back on us.


Now what?
It would be insensible to think that you can choose to never feel unappreciated, uninvited, or unloved. Those thoughts will come; however, there are ways that you can avoid being handcuffed by them.

A few nights later, McKay was telling me about his amazing mom, a strong woman who gives her heart to everyone, who takes the time during every one of her friend's birthdays to call them up and wish them the best. Do you think anyone remembers her birthday?

As depression draws our focus into ourselves, happiness draws our focus outward towards others with love that is concerned on giving--not taking back. The most sure way to combat loneliness and these other self-destructing thoughts is through gratitude and service. These two concepts are so important because they put you in a good place--gratitude turns your heart towards God, the center of where are our blessings have come, and service focuses your actions from selfish things to selfless things, putting you in a position to find lasting happiness in improving the lives of others.


If good people like McKay's mom stopped calling people on their birthdays because she wasn't getting calls on her birthday, we would have no one trying to make people happy in this world. If you want to escape feeling lonely, learn how to be alone. Focus your thoughts, actions, and intentions on being grateful for all you have and in serving others. Be grateful because it opens your eyes to God in the details of your life. Serve because it lets heaven touch everyone--you most importantly--that is involved. These are sure ways to drive out any darkness in your life.

Days can be bitter and even sometimes cruel. But ironically, taking away difficult times would contradict our very existence. Every day is a learning struggle and giving up can never be an option. Although the trials and lessons come in an increasingly difficult, never ending supply, we can be assured that if we learn to embrace life with its ups and downs, our capacity to endure will increase and we will learn to always rejoice--that's a promise.

So the next time you're feeling like the world has forgotten about you or you are having a bad day, remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to lift people up along the way because bad days are nothing but signs of tremendous blessings to come. Just put a smile on, serve, and endure.