A New World.

I feel like I start off every blog like this—I can’t even begin to explain how difficult life has been this week. I didn’t realize how carefree being a missionary was. It’s so much easier to help people deal with their problems than deal with your own.

This week started out rough. I lost a lot. Friends. Hopeful plans. People from my committee. Confidence. Peace.

On Monday, I hit my limit and fell hard. After spending the night at Jake’s and concluding that things couldn’t get much worse, Murphy’s Law took full swing and life got a bit trickier. 

I tried to do good.

I tried to make things right.

I tried to repair.

But tugs came from too many directions at once and I was at a point where I just couldn’t do it anymore.

And then it was almost like hands came down from heaven and placed my friends around me to circle me and help me up.

On Tuesday, right after I felt like I had messed up or lost anything I had going for me, I came home to two of the girls I home teach who had taken their time to stop by and drop off cookies they had made  for Brigham and me. The first time any of the people I’ve home taught have ever gone out of their way to say thank you.

On Wednesday, my three lovely girls in my committee took me and Matt out to dinner at the Cannon Center. It was the first time I had been back in Helaman. It was really hard to be back there after having so many memories there before, but it was a good thing for me to be with all of them and Matt. I hadn’t been that full in a really long time.

On Thursday, Emily surprised me that night with fresh-baked cookies and a simple heart-felt card. The first heart-felt note I’ve received since I’ve been home from my mission. I also started dancing on Thursday with Marinne for the first time. Something I should have done years ago.

On Friday, Matt (from BYUSA), after seeing me walking alone back to my apartment, took me out for lunch at Café Rio. The first time I had been back to Café Rio since my little brother took me out the day I got home from my mission. I also had the privilege to attend the BYUSA Activities retreat that night.

On Saturday, my Tagalog professor treated me to ice cream after helping her grade papers, and Mathew (a mission friend) took me out to dinner and helped me to remember, through his example, who I am and where I need to stand. Mathew is the first person I’ve met in my life that has had such similar trials to me and can legitimately say that he understands how I feel.

And today.

Today hasn’t exactly been the easiest still feeling at loss and not being on good terms with people and situations that I should be on good terms with. Regardless, I’m a firm believer that every cloud has a silver lining.

So what?

We have our very first Glee performance next week at BYU Goes Broadway and the song we are singing is called A New World from Songs for a New World. This song has grown to mean so much to me. It (as the musical story line goes) talks about the moments in life when everything seems like it’s going perfect and then disaster strikes and you find yourself a stranger in a place where you never expected to be. As the writer, Jason Robert Brown says, "It's about one moment. It's about hitting the wall and having to make a choice, or take a stand, or turn around and go back."

Now what?

Before I left Matt’s house last night, he helped me to realize that I should consider and live this song. And instead of just realistically preparing for the worst and hoping for the best as I said before, just embracing whatever the future holds and loving it. Taking the challenges head on and enduring through them.

It’s more sensible, and I feel like it’s a healthier way of living. Matt was right (even though I didn’t want to admit it at the time). Life is too short to consistently just assume the worst is coming. I’m going to do my best now to just live each moment as best I can because I know where I stand. 

The week looks bright and promising. It most likely won't be what I expect it will be, but I'm okay with that. Come what may and begin again. Never give up.