Every week is seven days long but it seems like some have fewer days and others have more. This week went by fairly quickly. I feel like I've only lived a couple more days than from the last time I posted a blog on here.
I've noticed that the blogs with titles that talk about the difficulties of life tend to attract more readers, so I'll try to cater to your needs a little more.
This week started out extremely hectic. I had a huge paper due and an exam in a class that I wasn't doing so hot in to begin with. The first few days were indeed chaotic and stressful, but by the time both of those were over, I found myself in a strange new setting not knowing what to do with all of my free-time.
My paper went really well. It's surprising how good something can turn out when you don't rush it and actually spend time on it. I felt really good turning it in and feel like I'll get a really decent score on it. If I don't, I believe there is no effort ever wasted.
My test also went really well, given the circumstances. I have been behind in that class all semester so it was nice to finally study hard and catch up. I ended with a score significantly higher than my last exam which really made me happy.
After those two hills were conquered, I found myself with the oddest thing ever in possession--free time. It was long-awaited and well-needed.
On Wednesday I attended Mat's jazz combo concert. He did a great job! It was good to see him perform again and do something that he loves. If you don't know already, I owe my conversion to the LDS church to Mat and met Mat through high school band. He's the best friend I could ever ask for and literally changed my life. Seeing him play the drums again was really refreshing. There aren't many things in life that make me happier than seeing my friends do the things they love.
Friday was a complete turn around weather-wise. We went from low 70s to the 30s, not even over-night, but in the matter of hours.
When I left the RB from dancing with Emily on Thursday night, I left in a t-shirt and shorts and was not even a little cold. It was extremely warm out. The next morning I woke up early to dance again and left in a t-shirt and shorts and wasn't cold at all. When I got to the RB, it started to rain. When I left the RB, it started to snow. By the time I got to class nearly an hour later, it was a complete blizzard outside. Oh how I did not miss Utah weather.
Yesterday was precious. I woke up early to be taken out to breakfast by a good friend before GLEEYU rehearsal, and then spent the rest of the day on a bro-date with Michael. I felt like it was really needed. I've had a lot of difficulty being a good house-mate to the other guys I live with because I just simply don't share the same interests that they do. I tried my best at the beginning of the semester to make our house like a family, but after efforts seemed pointless, I just gave up and started to do my own thing. So yesterday, I realized that if I do move out next semester, I should at least leave this place well and make-up for lost time, so I spent some time with Mike buying stuff at Walmart, getting his haircut, and having dinner. Its so hard to stay intact with people in life without giving them time to mean something to you.So what?
During Music 201 on Monday, some of the people I sit around and I decided to play The Game of Life instead of pay attention to our professor. The best decision to make? Probably not, but Life is one of my favorite games and it seemed so much more appealing to me than my professor at the time.
I love how the game exposes how simply complicated life can be. It's realistic to a very large extent. Decisions, random misfortunes, and most of the time, a happy ending. It' easy and fun because there really is nothing at stake aside of paper money and bragging rights. Is the actual game of life much different?
Something I realized last night is how much I just do not like where I am working right now. Ok, I didn't just realize that last night, I've known since the first day that I wouldn't like working where I do. The labor is rough. The hours are long. The perks are great though. Kind of.
I dread it though. I dread being scheduled. I dread working. I dread everything about it regardless of how much I'm getting paid. Being there makes me miserable.
On the other hand, it's finally time for me to record my DVD to send in for Musical Dance Theater auditions. It has been a long month of preparation. Learning how to act and dance as well as prepare my songs has not been easy. It's been a lot of long hours of rehearsal and memorizing as well as hair-pulling and headaches.
I get discouraged daily trying to run after a dream of a life of me just being able to do what I love. I hear amazing singers. I see amazing dancers. I watch amazing actors. And then, I see myself. I frequently feel like I've started too late and that things can never work out.
Practicing has been hard, and people have promised to help and let me down. But there is a huge difference between this and the job I have right now.
Now what?
What I realized last night is that life for me in the future will be very much as it is now if I pick a job that I don't like. Regardless of how much money or the perks it has to offer, I will be nothing but breathing misery. Money alone isn't an incentive for me to waste the one life I have getting an education and working for something that just makes me want to not be alive anyway.
The difference is that when I get discouragements doing things I love though, no matter how much time I have to put in or how difficult it is, I am happy.
I've finally hit a point this week in dancing that I'm good enough to get through my audition number, and enjoy it. On Friday, I woke up super early and danced for hours, doing the same thing over and over again, and it never got old.
It's like singing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs or hitting notes out of this atmosphere.
It's like walking out of a pool after a good workout.
It's like getting hugs from my mom.
It's the few things in life that I love and always deliver the equal or greater satisfaction to me.
Discouragements will always come. Situations will always change. Random misfortunes will always happen. But they don't don't always have to hurt. None of that matters as long as you are doing everything you can to make the life that you feel is best for you. I've had a lot people tell me that it's not worth it and it's too risky to try to make a living off of what I want, but I'm okay with that. What makes me happy is what makes me happy and I've decided that I'm going to stop doing in life what just isn't for me.
Life, as cliche as it sounds, is too short. I'm not going to waste it. And you shouldn't either.
Worst case scenario with a MDT degree you could do private lessons- how not awful does that sound? I commend you on doing what will make you happy. Too many men choose majors and careers that make them miserable.
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