This week was a good ease back from break and into finals. No big assignments, no tests, nothing--but that didn't mean there weren't things to worry about.
It was good to be back on Monday to see everyone. At our committee meeting, me and the boys got a laugh out of our somehow, matching outfits that we didn't plan. The funny part is, none of us noticed until Matt pointed out. Naturally, I had to get pictures of it.
Tuesday was another BYUSA Meet and Mingle. To me this just meant free food and single girls. Is that bad?
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| Decorations from the Meet and Mingle. |
Thursday was pretty packed. I was really nervous because dancEnsemble auditions were that day and I had no idea what to expect or prepare. Luckily I had the support of my committee behind me and... my friends I guess haha. Hailey surprised me the day before with a power bar and some cookies which was definitely what I needed to make it through the day.Tryouts were rough, and the situation altogether just wasn't a good situation. I had class so I was a bit late and missed a bunch of instruction and ended up getting set back a lot. I felt like I did well though and that's all that mattered. I found out the next day that I didn't make it in.
Afterwards we had our volunteer appreciation dinner at the stadium for BYUSA. I was really excited to go with my committee, but every single one of them had every reason not to go at the literal last minute before the event. So with my head a little low, having already been slightly defeated that day from tryouts, I headed over to the appreciation dinner by myself.
Regardless, things turned out and I still had a pretty good time with all of my other friends in BYUSA. There were bands, lots of games, and pretty good food. There was even this sweet photo booth that I hit up three times haha.
The weekend was a pretty big sigh. After rehearsal on Friday, I took Kelsey to meet my best friend Mat and his fiancé Libby, and we went out to sushi for dinner. Kelsey has been like my amazing good news that I really want to share with everyone, and I was really excited for Mat and Libby to meet her. Dinner was so fun! The sushi made it a great experience. Afterwards we got rained on going back to our cars and sent Mat and Libby off early so that Libby could get to bed early for her clinical the next day.
Afterwards I spent some time with my roommates and we all chipped in and went shopping for Christmas decorations and then went to BYUSA's Freeze Fest over at Seven Peaks. It was good roommate bonding time and we had a lot of fun picking out decorations and decorating the house. I can't not celebrate Christmas properly and I'm glad we decorated a lot to bring in the Christmas spirit. This season cannot be treated lightly.
Saturday was a bit of a lonely concert day. I went to Christmas Around the World, the folk-dance dance show of a bunch of dances from... around the world haha, and then the huge choir concert called, "A Celebration of Christmas." I really enjoyed both, but it wasn't extremely joyful to just go by myself. Everyone has just been too busy to give time.
So what?
Disappointment, failure, and let-downs. They make life miserable. They make life miserable because, unfortunately, you don't always get exactly what you put in to something--or at least we don't think so. You practice hard every day and aren't good enough. You depend on your best friends that you feel will never let you down and they have different priorities. You feel like you're getting somewhere in life and then you don't make it. You are defeated from all sides, and the places where you thought were safe to stand aren't.
Now what?
When the choir concert ended, I was in tears, first, because of how beautiful it was, and second, partially because I would have loved to enjoy a friend's company there. As I was about to walk out, I heard something familiar. Tagalog.
I turned around, and sure enough a big Filipino family was right behind me. You don't have to tell me twice to talk to a Filipino. I was over and met each and every single one of them. Finding other Filipinos in the states is always such a warm experience. It's like finding relatives you've never had before. They hugged me and talked to me like they had known me forever. They took pictures with me, took my number, and told me they would invite me over whenever they had family get-togethers, because as far as they were concerned, I was family too. I felt at peace talking to them. It was exactly what I needed on my night of no invites.
Now that probably sounds stupid and irrelevant, but that seemed to be the theme of my week. At it's worst, when life tried to suffocate me, things always lightened up--just in the way I needed. Every time I thought no one was there watching me, someone was there to help me up.
When heartaches come, moving on, forgiving people, and letting go are hard things to do. You want to hold grudges or think of ways you could have done something better. It's human. We feel like holding people to their mistakes or keeping these "what-if" thoughts will help us to move on, but they don't. They hold us back.
You move on by letting go of everything that ties you down. Forget what could have been. Remember that people aren't perfect. Realize that bad news is always undone by good news to follow. You can't move forward safely by persistently looking through the rearview mirror. Let go because it get's better. Let go to make it better for others. Let go for you.
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